The Darkness of Perfection Read online

  I didn’t want Jayden to feel like our home was a prison and this would give her that sense of freedom without me having to worry all the time if she wasn’t near the house. I knew my mother liked spending as much time outside as my father allowed her, puttering in her garden, and I wanted to give Jayden that same freedom without seeing the walls that kept her sheltered.

  “I want-”

  We were interrupted by the door to my office opening and I looked up to see my brother coming into the office. I rubbed my forehead wearily, resigned to facing yet another argument with him. He’d come by several times already over the last month and I was growing tired of his continued interference in my life.

  I turned my attention back to the contractor, ignoring William for the moment. I’d heard it already so to wait a few minutes wouldn’t kill him. But I might, I thought snidely.

  “Make the adjustments we’ve discussed and I want additional cameras mounted in the trees here and here,” I stated, pointing out two weak areas in the system near the back of the property. A little-used gravel road ran along the stretch of property that connected to a county road three miles away, but it was still a risk. “The gate is being installed today, so with the additional cameras mounted on the walls, we should be good.”

  The contractor began rolling up his set of plans and shook his head, laughing. “When everything is done you’ll be locked up tighter than Fort Knox. You could store gold bars on your property completely secured.”

  “I have something more valuable than gold, Mr. Gibson,” I winked. “My wife will live there and I want to know she’s completely safe and protected, even when I’m not there.” I shook his hand and ushered him to the door. “I want those modifications complete by the day after tomorrow. The furniture is being delivered on Thursday and I want to move in next week.”

  “Sure thing, Mr. Harrison. Nothing to it.”

  I shut the door behind him and walked over to the bar to pour a drink. I was going to need it to get through another conversation with William. “Want one?” I asked, raising the decanter in the air.

  “Sure,” he replied. He was standing at my desk looking over the blueprints and the pictures on the computer since I hadn’t shut down the system yet. “Have you heard the term ‘overkill’, Nicholas?

  Why don’t you just put her in a white jumpsuit and send her to fucking Huntsville? The only things missing from your plans are bars on the windows and razor wire on the walls of the fence.” His derision came through loud and clear in his comments.

  “They’re being installed on Friday,” I deadpanned, setting his glass down firmly in front of him. I turned the laptop away from his prying eyes and logged off the system, then began putting away the blueprints. “Is business slow that you have all this time to keep bugging me, or was there a purpose to your visit?” I remarked, gruffly.

  “Fuck, Nicholas! What the hell happened to you? You used to actually care about Jayden.” He paused to take a swallow of his drink and pace in agitation before turning back to me. He slammed his glass down, sloshing the contents of his glass onto my desk and propped his hands on the smooth wood. “Do you care at all how terrified she must be with what you’re doing to her? And my God, you let her family think she’s dead! That alone is probably killing her. The longer you keep her the more damage you’re doing to her. You have got to let her go before it’s too late. I’ll even help if you want.”

  I stood through his tirade, pretending nonchalance, knowing it only aggravated him more, while inside I seethed with building anger. I drained my glass in one gulp and slammed it down on the desk in front of me. “Fuck you, William, and the white horse you rode in on! Go peddle your shit and play hero somewhere else. First off, I was joking about the bars and razor wire. It’s my fucking home, for God’s sake, not a prison. Do you or don’t you have security at your own home to keep Grace protected? So why should I do any less for Jayden?”

  “I love and protect my wife!” he shouted. “I didn’t make her a damn prisoner in her own fucking home, Nicholas. There’s a difference. Grace is free to come and go from our home. You’ve built a ten foot high wall around your property so Jayden is a virtual prisoner. You’ve got cameras mounted inside your house so she can’t take a piss without you knowing about it. What are you so afraid of?

  Huh?”

  I’d reached my boiling point and snapped. “That she’ll fucking get away, okay?” I shouted back at him. “Are you happy now? Is that what you wanted to hear? I won’t give her the means to escape. She was given to me the day she was born. She’s always been mine. Her bitch of a mother stole her from me and ruined everything. If Jayden had never left she’d be my wife already. I intend to use every means at my disposal to undo all the damage that bitch caused, including making sure she can’t ever escape me again. She will be my wife and we will be happy.”

  William glared at me in anger and frustration. “Do you hear yourself? Jayden is a human being, not a pet. You can’t make her love you. All you can do is threaten and terrify the poor girl until you have her so brainwashed she doesn’t know which end is up anymore.”

  “Like you don’t condone it every single day with the girls you’ve got running through the warehouse.

  So don’t get all sanctimonious and self-righteous on me,” I sneered. “And I haven’t done a damn thing to hurt Jayden.”

  His jaw snapped shut and he stared at me, his eyes narrowing in disbelief. “Are you saying you haven’t kept her locked up in that damn cage you had built all this time? You haven’t hit her or physically hurt her in any way?” he asked, his words spoken slowly so I understood exactly what he was asking.

  I walked around my desk and dropped heavily in my chair. I resented his constant interference in my affairs and that my own brother would think I was capable of hurting Jayden. Hell, it’s why I refused to send her to the facility in the first place. I knew what went on there. I’d seen it. The girls that were run through the facility were treated no better than cattle to slaughter. The only difference was there was no merciful killing at the end for them. Depending on their value, they were either sent to brothels around the country or other parts of the world where they’d spend their lives on their backs or they’d be sold to private buyers to be mistresses or wives depending on the buyer’s needs.

  It was an ugly business, but if we didn’t provide the service someone else would. There would always be another monster out there willing to put their boot on the neck of their fellow man. Our family just happened to be the one wearing the biggest boot. It wasn’t something I was proud of or would ever want to admit to in polite company, but it was what it was. Our family had been in the business of buying and selling since before my father was born. William had been running the business for several years now, since he got out of college, so why get upset over what I was or wasn’t doing to Jayden?

  Why did it matter to him?

  My eyes narrowed suspiciously as I faced him. He was staring, waiting for my answer. I could almost see the tension radiating off of him. “Why do you care so much what I do to Jayden? Are you coveting my fiancée? Is that it?”

  William drew himself up to his full height, indignation pouring off of him. “Are you insane? I love my wife with everything in me. Get over yourself, Nicholas,” he chuckled darkly. “That statement alone shows just how delusional you’ve become. Jayden isn’t your fiancée. She’s your fucking prisoner. Now answer the damn question. Have you raped-?”

  I stood quickly to my feet and slammed my fists down on the desk. “Finish that sentence and I’ll bury you, brother or not. Not that it’s any of your fucking business, but no I haven’t. I never locked her in the cage. I haven’t hit her. And I certainly haven’t raped her! She’s going to be my wife, you bastard!

  She’s not a fucking whore!” I waved my hand at him dismissively, gesturing for the door. “Now get the hell out of my office.”

  His shoulders slumped, his expression filled with remorse as he faced me. He came aro
und the desk to stand beside me and placed his hand on my shoulder, squeezing slightly. “I’m sorry, Nicholas. I just don’t know what you’re capable of anymore. I never would have thought you’d go as far as you have.

  Whether you like it or not, I’m still your big brother and I’m always going to look out for you. I just wish things were different.”

  He rubbed his face with his hands and when he dropped them at his sides again I noticed a weariness in his own blue eyes, like the weight of the world rested on his shoulders and his burden was becoming too heavy to bear. It made me worry.

  “Is everything all right? Is Grace okay? Are you?” I fired questions at him trying to discern the cause of his stress. “Is there something I should know about?”

  He sighed and squared his shoulders, tugging at the cuff of his jacket, stalling his answer which only made my concern increase before he spoke. “No. Everything is fine.” His smile was weak and almost apologetic. “I didn’t really want to tell you like this after barging in here and accusing you the way I did. I guess you can be the first to congratulate me. Grace is pregnant. We found out a few weeks ago,

  but didn’t want to say anything until her appointment today showed everything with the baby looked good. You know we’ve had problems in the past.”

  My anger was forgotten with his announcement and I grabbed him in a firm hug. I knew how much he and Grace wanted children, but the stress of three miscarriages had been hard on them.

  “Congratulations! I’m very happy for you. And the doctor is confident Grace is going to be all right this time?”

  He stepped back and blew out a harsh breath. “He’s as sure as he can be, but he’s putting her on restrictive bed rest for now as a precaution. He doesn’t want any undue stress affecting her.” He leaned against my desk and rubbed the back of his neck, thinking. “I’m sorry for the way I’ve gone about things regarding Jayden. I don’t know, maybe it would have been better if Jayden hadn’t escaped before. Maybe if you hadn’t lost her when you did, you wouldn’t have grown up to be so callous about your actions. Maybe you would have been more approachable-” He let his words taper off and stood again. “Anyway, can’t buy much on ‘maybes’. Life deals a hand and it’s up to us to figure out the best way to play it. I won’t keep you any longer. Grace and I are coming to the house for dinner tonight to tell Mom and Father. I’d love it if you were there and I know Grace would like to meet Jayden.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “Subtlety isn’t your strong suit, but not to worry. I’m sure we’ll both be there. I have a feeling Jayden is ready to concede the little battle she’s been staging. You can tell Mother to set two places for us at the table.”

  Sitting on the window seat with my knees drawn tightly to my chest, I watched the sky darken with streaks of orange and pink like paint splatters on a navy canvas, signaling the end to yet another day in my prison. My forehead rested heavily against the cool windowpane, my breath fogging up the glass each time I exhaled.

  A cold front had come through yesterday, dropping the temperature. Nicholas had told me not to get used to it, and that it would be hot again in another day or so. He said it was normal for the temperature to change thirty degrees or more in a day this time of year and that the saying went something like this: if you don’t like the weather, wait a minute and it’ll change. I wished that phrase had given me a clue to where I was, but it didn’t.

  As the sun dipped lower in the sky, I opened my mouth wide, exhaling again and fogging the glass, then slowly drew a line in the condensation. The mark disappeared as the fog dissipated, leaving no evidence behind.

  Thirty-one days. Tomorrow would start a new month in my captivity. I tried to keep up with the hours at first, but I couldn’t decide when to start the clock. Was it when I passed out in the club parking lot or when I woke up here? Or should I go back in time to the cruise? Or even further back to when I first arrived at the house? I guess if I wanted to be completely accurate then I should go back to the night I was born.

  I’d had a lot of time to think about my life, and it was hard to fathom how different my life would have been if my mother hadn’t rescued me. Nicholas was very clear regarding his expectations. He had wanted me completely isolated and ignorant of the world outside. If we hadn’t gotten away, he would have been my whole world. I wouldn’t have even known there was another way. The simple things in life I’d always taken for granted, like going to college, having hopes and dreams, watching television, having a cell phone, driving a car, or even just going to the mall with friends, would have been nonexistent, and the terrifying part was that I wouldn’t have even known it was wrong.

  Nicholas was right. I would have been happy living in my ignorance.

  I couldn’t prevent the sickening shudder when I thought about it. I remembered learning about slavery in my history class in high school and thinking it was inconceivable that something as heinous as slavery still existed in the world. I was too young when we escaped this life to understand the world we came from, and Mom and Dad sheltered me from that knowledge. My parents protected me so I never knew I was born a modern-day slave. We had been lucky to escape and go on to live a normal life. We found love and security with a good man who adored us and welcomed us into his life without censure. I’ll always be grateful for the years of freedom he gave me. I didn’t care what Nicholas said, Terry McAllister was my dad as far as I was concerned. He deserved the title so much more than the sperm donor, as I called him now, who’d sold me the day I was born.

  Nicholas may have stolen my freedom, but he couldn’t take away my memories. I knew it frustrated him that he couldn’t erase the life I’d had without him. I’d never be the docile, declawed kitten or doormat he envisioned. Those years had shaped me into the person I was today. I may have been terrified of what the future held for me now, and I may not have had a lot of courage, but I owed it to my mom to survive and remember everything she’d taught me.

  I turned to glare at my nemesis on the floor in the corner of the room, and felt my courage wane yet again. He had brought it out of the closet so the threat would always be present. I was weak, and growing weaker. Nicholas was relentless in breaking me more and more each and every day, and even I had to acknowledge he was winning.

  Sighing, I closed my eyes and focused on seeing the faces of my family. They were the only real hope I had of rescue, but after so much time, I was losing that hope. I didn’t understand why the police never came. If I tried to escape, I risked Nicholas hurting my family. Nicholas’s insidious whispered words were taking their toll and he was slowly planting doubt in my mind that they would ever come.

  “God, please save me,” I prayed, figuring that God surely wouldn’t forget me.

  A clock chimed the hour from somewhere within the house, signaling the passage of time. Nicholas would be back soon. I didn’t know what he did or where he went all day. I’d never been allowed out of this room, and his was the only face I’d seen other than that first night with Katherine, if you didn’t count the brief glimpses of the guard at the door when Nicholas came and went or the one on the deck outside. Every day I’d been locked in this room with nothing to do: no book, no television, not even a radio to break the silence that engulfed me, so that by the time he would return, I craved his attention.

  It took me four days to figure out his game. Now I ignored him until I couldn’t stand the silence any longer. He never spoke first, always waiting me out until I broke. Only then would he talk to me. Even then, the only topics of discussion allowed were about the two of us, and our past or future. There was no world outside what he was creating for me, and I was terrified that one day I’d even believe it myself.

  He was completely serious about making every decision for me. I hadn’t even held a utensil in all the time I’d been here, since I hadn’t earned the privilege of feeding myself yet, and I strove to follow the rules hoping that one day I’d be allowed to hold a freaking fork again. He chose the clothes I wore and I s
lept in his bed with my ankle chained instead of my wrist. He’d kept his promise and hadn’t touched me other than holding me in bed while I wallowed in my misery and missed my family. It was ironic that the reason behind my misery was the one providing the comfort.

  While we would lie in the dark, he’d paint a picture of our perfect life together, his insidious words seeming so real that I’d even dreamed about it. I think what terrified me the most, was that I could see myself living the life he wanted.

  Every day the same battle waged in my head; one minute I’d be strong, and weak the next. I wanted to be strong like my mom, but I didn’t think I was.

  Just then the door opened and I heard his footsteps crossing the room and coming to a stop behind me.

  I felt his eyes on me, silently waiting for me to crack. It was a tiny battle he allowed me to wage, but as the days crawled by at a snail’s pace with nothing to do and no one to talk to, I was cracking faster.

  My breath fogged the window again as I huffed in defeat and tilted my head to see him in my periphery.

  “Hello, Nicholas.”

  He acknowledged my defeat with a grin, glancing at his watch.

  “Less than a minute. You must really be bored today,” he chuckled. “Jayden, I’ve allowed your little rebellion so far only because I knew you would realize the futility of it soon enough. From now on, though, you will greet me immediately when I come into the room. Is that understood?”

  I closed my eyes, wishing once again that I could end this nightmare. How much longer could I hold out before I gave in completely?

  “I’m waiting for your answer,” he reminded me.

  I opened my eyes to the same scene of fields, trees, and that damn dog that was just as much my jailer as he was.

  “I understand,” I mumbled, still not turning around.

  He grasped my chin and held me firmly as he forced me to turn and rise from the window to look into his face, a silent battle taking place as we gazed at each other. The scent of his cologne and the outdoors tickled my senses, and I realized he was no longer wearing the black slacks and navy dress shirt he’d worn this morning, but was now in worn jeans, a black t-shirt, and denim jacket. I didn’t know where he’d changed clothes, because God knew he hadn’t come back here. The thought that he’d spent at least part of the day outside enjoying the sunshine while I’d remained trapped within these four walls, sitting here day in and day out, made me want to scream at the unfairness of it all.